If there's one person in the world who doesn't deserve to be treated with respect, it has definitely got to be that piece of annoying peevy bug.
Ugh! I've this sudden urge to hurl expletives at its face.But come to think of it, I shouldn't even bother reducing to its barbaric level. I am a civilized kid yo.
- Mood:
annoyed
Oh yes, was I right that I'd be submitting to fate again this mid july. I could have made a fortune being a psychic, mind you! Ah well, digression. It has become too repetitive that the aging heart could no longer grapple with constant dejection.
It feels awful to be the one bursting your own bubbles ):
- Mood:
sad
It'll do me good, cos it's a shame that I'm definitely not the mislaid piece of jig-saw they are looking for, all thanks to my quick fingers :( Chopping 'em off would definitely be an understatement.
School's absolutely out for me this year, so which route should I head to now?
Alright, I'll sort it out during the looooongggg bus-rides later, off to hit the piles of media bookings... and feeling guilty. :(
- Mood:
guilty
Anyhow, I am having second thoughts about this and I really ought to be shot in the head for being so self-centered and deceiving myself (with all sorts of excuses) to accept the offer WITHOUT taking the aftermath into consideration. For frig's sake, I've no idea why I allowed myself to behave like a three year old when I am way past the adolescent age.
P.S.: I forsee myself resigning to fate(yet again) not long from now.
- Mood: crushed
Despite umpteen enlightenments and much dressing-down, I chose to break away from the decision yet again.
Family fortune vs power of self-will. We thought we were making choices, but truth is, there are limitations to factor into the decision-making process, which basically limits the space and time to look into another direction. To source out the options out there is near impossible, and definitely not without the support of the former. So where does this puts the latter?
I am lost in the mirage, hello?
- Mood:
listless
Please tell me the reason why I can't seemed to find the light at the end of the tunnel?
It's gonna be a fruitless year ahead, yet again :(
- Mood: disappointed
I haven't any idea about the paths I'm heading, YET. Be it to extend my stint in *MPL or continuing my studies. It all seemed like a nerve-breaking chore to make ONE friggin' decisions, since each friggin' steps you take might mess up your friggin' life. (Come on, you've got the expert preaching here...)
It's contradicting how I am a post-graduate "advisor" to some, and yet oblivious of my own dilemma. According to the new statistic, >90.99% of those whom received my complimentary counsel had already zoomed into their tracks. Read: I am impressive! ;p
On top of that, you probably have no idea how much it sucks when nosey parkers from ALL AROUND keeps haunting you with boundless typical questions, particularly with this
- (a) Where are you working now?
(b) How well do they pay you?
(c) How is that related to what you've studied? - (a) Any intention to further your education?
(b) Where...?
(c) Why not nutrition, since this has been your expertise?
- Haven't you considered *NYouS, *NTYou, or *SMYou at all??? WHY!!!
Now, that's many subs to a question. A moment or two, I can't seemed to be able to suppress the urge to yell in them to talk to my hand instead. Where on earth did these little nosey things surfaced from? And why is everyone so concerned about my future? Note to self: Why am I having so much trouble answering simple questions?
Guess IMMA be feeling the blues yo.
- Mood:
cranky
Bye.
- Mood:
blank
after a year of procrastination. . .
come all,
meet my spanking neeeew red cello!
:)
It's emotionally tormenting to be relentlessly putting up a false front; to pretend you're in high spirits everyday when you're apparently not.
You smile, but you know it's not coming from the bottom of your heart.
You compel to ingest the angst rousing up within, and chuck those snuffles under your own blanket.
Everything had seemed way too complexed than i envisioned it to be.
Adieu to ctrl+R at jobsDB, jobscentral, ngh, and whatsnot!
[1.39pm] Edits//
Two hours after the phone call, yours truly has been swept with an array of diverse thoughts roving within, abruptly.
Uh huh, like again.
I was gravely overjoyed earlier about how I'd finally managed to land my huge ass in mdc after sending heaps of cover letters and resumes to myraid of companies ever since graduation. But now, I'm kind of contemplating if I'm capable of living up to one's expectations.
Obviously oblivious (no pun intended).
Even so, yours truly is more than determined to grit her teeth and lay all her heart and soul into a new episode that's gonna kick in no less than a week.
*cross my fingers... and toes*
- Mood:
nervous
Hence yours truly will, unfortunately, have to endure a year or so of rigid vocation before she can embarks on her journey to the west, for official enlightenments. Just the thought of converting my status back to a student (no promise, at the point script was submitted) thrills me, literally.
And at this point of time, after months of humdrum with no project to rush through; no deadline to meet; no quiz or test to mug (not that I'm fond of); no tutorial, lecture or lab to anticipate to, a fraction of my brain cells had ultimately departed from its realm. It doesn't help if one keeps staring aimlessly at no-brainer (oops!) clips on youtube and in chorus, to constantly hit ctrl+R at webpage such as jobsDB or jobscentral every half an hour or so, you know.
I heart adrenaline rush. Come to think of it now, I wouldn't mind staying up at an unearthly hour to conclude a report or any other assignments as long as it gets my head functioning. Churn brain cells, churn!
Oh well, I should probably draw myself back before I allow myself to descend into deep melancholy.
P.S. If time equates money, I'd probably be one of the wealthiest girl in town. TSK.
- Mood: blah
I reckon I ought to quit wallowing in self-pity and learn to pick myself up after being smacked by the cold, hard reality.
Get up, dust yourself off, and keep going!
Ok bye.
- Mood: crushed
I feel like I am hanging in the middle of the crossroad, wholly oblivious to the lane I should be taking.
Life's a jeopardy, and this sucks.
I wished I could just stop being so fickle-minded about the entire affair!
withmuchLOVES,
X
( MORE! )
Why do I feel my determination giving away.
Because, yet another plan had faltered.
Everytime I'd put my heart and determination in wanting to achieve something in my life, it'll always come to a null.
I can't seem to get anything right in life,
be it studies, decisions-making or path paving.
The whirlpool in my punny brain is progressing to a tsunami in no time.It's time to dig for my own grave.
Deadline: 29th April 08
Why is my determination so weak.
- Mood: disappointed
I'm COMPLETELY lost with what the future holds for me.
But one thing I'm sure of,
having missed that call, the future seemed even bleak.
Ehh, why does this happens to me all the time?!
- Mood: gloomy
As we were on our way home this morning after the annual tomb-sweeping, I had an overwhelming sense of loneliness come over me. I sat there and saw her face. I saw the many little things we did together like it was yesterday.
I miss her powerful voice with each word coming out no less than a command; I miss the way she said "Harr-lo" when she answered the phone; I miss her warm little pecks on my cheeks; I miss the times when she would stood by the windows every single day just to wave goodbye before I leave for school, and how she would admonish me, when I was wrong.
I was not by her side the day she took her last breath. It's terribly awful to be the last to know and it came all so sudden. I felt like I was ragged apart, into many broken pieces. I lost someone who meant so much in my life. She was the one that made such an impact on me at such a young age.
You think you will never forget the moment; the time spent together, the cooking and gossiping sessions between us. The discussions about how we are supposed to be good people and take care of momo. I wished I had kept a journal of our times together. Never had I laughed so hard with another individual in my life.
I miss you ah ma, I wish that just once more, I could put my hand on your supple face, and tell you how much I love you forever and ever.
We will see each other again, and I know that you're no longer suffering, and there is no more pain.
P.S. Till we meet again, I love you.
It has been years but the pain never seems to go away.
- Mood: depressed
i guess this alone tells you how i feel within now.
ugh.
- Mood: crappy
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eightysixpounds- xinru
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